Saturday, August 10, 2024

In Latest Bond Film, 007 Tasked With Taking Down 83-Year-Old British Grandma Who Shared Inaccurate Meme


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LONDON — In a stark example of art imitating life, producers of the popular spy franchise announced that in the latest James Bond film, 007 will be tasked with taking down an 83-year-old British grandma who shared an inaccurate meme.

Eon Productions Limited revealed plans for the new film, ripping the main plot straight from current headlines and pitting the renowned British super spy against a new terrifying threat posed by an elderly woman who posts an unapproved meme on social media.

"This is the greatest threat Bond has ever faced," said Barbara Broccoli, film producer and custodian of the Bond franchise. "Audiences have been thrilled by films featuring 007 facing off against seemingly insurmountable foes like Bloefeld, Spectre, and Le Chiffre, but none of these enemies present the type of existential threat to British society we see from these people who share inaccurate memes online. It's time for James Bond to confront the true scourge in the UK today."

Though producers have yet to announce who will be taking over the role of James Bond following the departure of Daniel Craig, story elements have already begun to come together for the character's next adventure. "It doesn't really matter who we cast in the role," Broccoli said. "In all likelihood, it will be a non-white female of indeterminate sexual orientation, but we're open to all possibilities."

At publishing time, producers said the film would also feature Bond defending oppressed migrants from being held accountable for horrific crimes perpetrated against British citizens.