WASHINGTON, D.C. — After yet another deadly attack perpetrated by a deranged leftist, this time coming an inch away from killing President Trump, the FBI was left briefly wondering if maybe they had been investigating the wrong people.
After years of hunting for right-wing extremists at school board meetings and Catholic churches, FBI Director Christopher Wray briefly pondered how the agency had failed to stop so many violent criminals across the United States. "Despite our vigilant search for right-wing domestic terrorists, we somehow allowed violent street riots to kill 13 innocent people, a mass shooting targeting Republican lawmakers playing baseball, a planned assassination of a conservative Supreme Court Justice, the violent takeover of dozens of college campuses, the murder of schoolchildren targeted for being Christian, attacks on churches and synagogues, and arson bombings of crisis pregnancy centers," said Wray. "It's a mystery is what it is."
At publishing time, the FBI had completed its moment of self-reflection and decided to fix things by hunting for right-wing domestic terrorists even harder.