NEW YORK, NY — An exhausted journalist finally got some well-deserved rest last night after another long day of copying and pasting Democratic talking points.
Journalist Andrew Thompson fell into his bed, bedraggled and completely spent, after upholding his sacred duty of telling the American people exactly what his Democrat Party messaging strategists directed him to say.
"These are some long, tiring days," Thompson said to himself as he breathed a sigh of relief and settled into a comfortable sleeping position. "It's not easy protecting democracy every day, but somebody's got to do it. It's all the copying and pasting that gets me. ‘Control-C, Control-V.' My fingertips are killing me. At least I can rest in the knowledge that I did my job well."
Thompson had received his marching orders earlier in the day from Democratic campaign operatives before going about his normal daily tasks of parroting key party talking points in every article, column, and blog post. "Gotta make sure everyone knows how excited the world is about Kamala," he said. "We've never seen such a qualified, intersectional candidate in our lifetimes! And she's never, ever said anything controversial or supported any extreme, fringe ideas. Everyone loves her and she's so popular! A vastly better choice than that insurrectionist Donald Trump, a convicted felon, who probably didn't even get shot, by the way! Ah, well… back at it again tomorrow morning!"
At publishing time, Thompson was fast asleep, dreaming of President Kamala Harris making hilarious guest appearances on The View.