U.S. — Despite a significant majority of the nation now believing President Biden mentally unfit for office, the Democratic Party has decided to stay with Biden as its nominee as it would be a huge pain to reprint the tens of thousands of ballots they already filled out.
"On one hand, the nation now knows Biden is incapable of thinking and is a clear and present danger to himself and the country," said DNC chair Jaime Harrison. "On the other hand, it would be SUCH a pain to have to reprint all those ballots when we already filled them all out. It's so tedious! Aw, screw it... let's just stick with Biden."
The Democratic Party considered replacing Biden after the Presidential debate revealed his inability to walk or speak, but the amount of ballots already prepared for harvesting dissuaded them. "Obviously, Biden can't operate a frialator, much less run a country," said White House chief of staff Jeff Zeints. "To have him continue to be the corpse-like mouthpiece of the Party is nothing short of elder abuse, and everyone knows it. Still, do you know how long it takes to fill out two hundred thousand ballots? Ugh, it is so much work! Forget it."
At publishing time, annoyed Democrats had begun preparing another hundred thousand ballots for harvesting after seeing how bad the post-debate poll numbers looked.