If the Democratic Party wanted to encourage conspiracy theories, what would it do differently? Its poobahs have obfuscated, dissembled, and outright lied about just about everything in the last few years, and they have flicked on the supercharger in the last month. In the absence of truth, something will fill the void. The wackier stuff gets labeled “conspiracy theories,” yet some of those conspiracy theories have come true. They are not conspiracy theories; they are conspiracy truths.
Now they are doing it with post-quitting Biden. They are like the Soviet Politburo without the pickled livers and the bushy eyebrows, solemnly reporting that the Supreme Leader Chairman Brezhnev is personally supervising this year’s record grain harvest while, instead, he’s in a bed with a drip of Smirnoff running into his IV line.
As of this writing (Monday afternoon, July 22nd, year of our lord 2024 A.D.), we don’t even know if our president – our alleged president – is pining for the fjords or filling a pine box. Joe – where you at? He made an announcement that will go down in history, channeling LBJ by popping smoke to escape a doomed reelection campaign, and you might have thought that he would have told the American people face-to-face. Momentous occasions are why we have the Oval Office and all the trappings of the presidency – when the Commander-in-Chief makes a big announcement, it is suitably framed. But Biden didn’t come out and tell us. Instead, he (or some minion) tweeted a picture of a bland and evasive letter, like the PR department of some big corporation caught in a scandal does.
That’s how he quits? That’s ridiculous. This is not a hit on Twitter – I’ll never call it X – because everybody loves Elon Musk except communists and perverts. But we deserve more than a copy of a letter that he may or may not have even signed. We got a letter that may or may not have even been seen by him. How did this come about? Do we even think he knows about it right now? But this is no surprise; this is on brand for these people. Ironically, page 259 of my new book, The Attack, includes a scene where, after botching the response to a terrorist onslaught, an unnamed president who reeks of Bidenish senility is tricked into resigning by signing a proclamation for “National Ice Cream Cone Day.” Well, Biden quit on July 21, which was National Ice Cream Day. I will accept your props on my prognostication.
Where is Joe Biden? The question itself fuels the conspiracy fires. Now, he may have staggered out before the cameras between when I wrote this over a day after he quit and you read this, but he was still AWOL when it was written. What are people supposed to think? This is weird, so the explanation is going to be weird. But the really weird thing is that the ruling class does not think it needs to provide us proof of life. It never occurred to our betters that they owe the American people any kind of information about their own president.
One problem with conspiracy theories is that they tend to overlook another explanation – rank incompetence. In many ways, the kind of gross negligence our elite has shown from everything from the handling of the China virus to Afghanistan to COVID to allowing a loner misfit – assuming he was acting alone, and why should we assume that? – to get on the roof of an undefended building 150 meters from an ex-president with a rifle after normal citizens had pointed him out to the Secret Service.
Do we actually know anything about the murder/attempted assassination yet? The alleged chief of the Secret Service went to Congress and promptly stonewalled, offended at the idea of explaining herself. Yes, “her” – she is one of those pronoun fetishists, of course. Right now, we really don’t know anything, just like we would not have known anything about the Nashville shooter without some patriots leaking the trans freak’s manifesto that the elite has tried to hide. Don’t even get started on the Las Vegas shooter. But the sordid secrets of the Secret Service are only the latest cover-up. Fauci’s crew may have helped fund the creation of COVID. The laptop was real; Russiagate was not. What really happened in Kabul, because the story the official Marine representative told to the faces of the family of the dead Marine hero I represented as a lawyer, and I was standing there listening, differs significantly from the story I later heard told under oath to Congress.
It’s all lies, it’s all deception. No wonder we have conspiracy theories. It’s not like we can look at even the most convoluted ones and think, “Nah, they would never go that far.” Then you look at how they let 10 million Third World peasants invade our country on purpose in violation of duly passed laws – Our Democracy, indeed – and you have to wonder.
So, what would they do differently if they wanted to encourage conspiracy theories? Absolutely nothing. Between their incompetence and lies, they have torched their benefit of the doubt. We just had weeks of them telling us that Joe Biden was sharp as a tack when he was as sharp as a ballon. There was a time when mostly weirdos and nuts believed in conspiracy theories because the alleged plots were so outrageously dumb. And a lot of stupid people still do believe dumb things. Polls say that 34% of Democrats think Trump faked his own shooting or was not shot at all. We now have ear truthers like Keith Olbermann and others insisting what we all saw did not happen. Those guys are idiots. But you are not an idiot if you wonder just how some incel loser got close enough to Donald Trump to nearly – by centimeters – blow his head off and plunge our country into chaos.
Put aside the idea that the Deep State programmed a patsy in order to kill Trump. I’m doubting that not because I do not think those demons would do it if they could pull it off – they would – but because I question their competence to pull it off. We’re not dealing with Ernst Stavros Blofelds here; we’re dealing with the moron criminals in those viral videos who try to rob a mixed martial arts dojo and end up getting their butts Bruce Lee’d. But is it so crazy to think that the Secret Service chose not to give Trump the security he needed because the people at the top thought, “The hell with Trump?” They refused to guard RFK, too – he defied the Democrats – even though the Kennedy family has a pretty bad track record with assassins. Maybe they just thought it was a pleasing “Screw you” to a man they despised, but is it nuts to believe that, at some level, they would not mind all that much if someone got to him? I mean, I was informed – by them – that Trump is a fascist, Hitler reborn of Papa Stalin and Mama Pol Pot, so do you imagine that they really mind all that much if he gets shot?
Tell me again why I should believe in the diligence and dedication of our government bureaucrats. After all, in my experience, diligent and dedicated people tend not to lie about things like denying additional protection and only change their story when caught lying.
What about the conspiracy theories about Joe Biden? It may be that he’s dead, or terminally ill, or perhaps he is just wandering around in circles at his million-dollar beach house muttering like Cornholio – he often walks around like a buzzed Beavis. Why shouldn’t we assume the worst? After all, these people are the worst. They have made lying standard procedure. They have made hiding the truth national policy. And now they have made conspiracy theories great again.