LAS VEGAS — Tonight's presidential debate ended abruptly when Donald Trump was served with papers notifying him that he had been indicted for the murder of an elderly man on CNN.
"Hey, I didn't do anything!" Trump told authorities. "He was like that when I got here!"
Trump, who had planned to debate President Joe Biden, argued that the strange old man keeled over all on his own.
"The very idea..." the old man said before slumping over onto a nearby podium. It was also at this point that Trump discovered the man had been propped up by an apparatus and could not stand on his own.
"You know, I got here and everything was fine. CNN is fake news, but I'm here and they've been nice tonight," Trump said. "But then there was this dead old man in the corner. And I thought, wow, the game must be afoot, you know? And believe me, I was about to solve this murder before you got here."
"Yeah, yeah," said Officer Nolan of the LVPD. "Why don't we talk about this downtown."
At publishing time, Trump had been indicted again for the murder of the Democratic Party.