EDMONTON — Following Canada's loss of the Stanley Cup to America for the 31st time in a row, international authorities have confirmed that Canada will indeed lose its status as a recognized country, as Stanley Cup tradition demands.
Canadian sources have confirmed that countries across the globe are already in the process of withdrawing ambassadors and embassies from the former country, while NATO has already passed a motion withdrawing Canada from the organization.
"As much as it pains us to do this, we can simply no longer stand by and continue to pretend that Canada is a real nation," commented Secretary-General of the United Nations António Guterres. "There's no way that Canada — which is about 95% ice, I'm told — should be losing a game that's played completely on ice to the American state of Florida, which has no ice whatsoever. It's simply disgraceful. We can no longer allow this travesty to masquerade itself as a legitimate nation, and are therefore retracting Canada's status as a recognized country, effective immediately."
While most legislators are not quite sure what to do with Canada now, most Americans support declaring Canada a vassal state of Florida. Florida Governor DeSantis has publicly stated that he will only demand tribute from Canada every other year.
At publishing time, Norway, Spain, and Ireland had made world news by saying that they would still recognize Canada as a state "just like we did with Palestine."