With the first 2024 presidential debate right around the corner, the public is eager to find out what topics will be covered and what questions the CNN moderators will ask the candidates.
Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following leaked list of debate questions for the upcoming CNN presidential debate:
"Which of President Trump's crimes should he be executed for?" — With so many to choose from, this will be an important opportunity for each candidate to show wisdom.
"Are you a convicted felon?" — Only candidates who answer "no" will be allowed to stay in the race.
"If you were on a boat with a giant battery and the boat started to sink and there were sharks in the water, would you stay on the boat and risk electrocution or jump in the water and risk a shark attack?" — Just like Abraham Lincoln and John Breckinridge were asked in 1860.
"Please demonstrate your fitness for being president by standing perfectly still with your arms stiffly to the side and staring blankly ahead." — Biden has reportedly been practicing his response to this question for years.
"What's the most illegal thing you've ever done, and don't worry, you totally won't be indicted for it?" — Clearly an unbiased question intended to elicit honest and relatable answers and not in any way a trap for any specific candidate.
"Mr. Trump, why are you such a loser?" — The voters deserve to know.
"How many Pearl Harbors and 9/11s does it take to equal one Jan 6?" — A simple mathematical question that will establish the gravity of the worst day in human history.
"On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your daughter." — Only the creepiest of answers will suffice.
"Who shot first, Han or Greedo?" — One of the most important questions of our time.
"This question is for Trump. Why are you the literal personification of evil on planet Earth?" — Any professional journalistic organization would ask this question.
"Follow-up question for Biden. How ya doin' pal?" — Elected officials have to face tough questions.
"President Biden? Hello? Can you hear us, sir?" — Quick, cut to a commercial break! Here's a word from our sponsors!
If the questions above are any indication, the nation is in for the most fair and impartial presidential debate of all time.