According to weirdos, Donald Trump’s likely return to the White House will usher in an age of fascism unprecedented in American history, which is odd since a Trump presidency was recently precedent in American history, and that interregnum of constitutional governance brought us our only respite from nascent fascism – as defined by people who know what fascism is – in the last fifteen years or so. We heard this in 2016, too, and in 2020 as well. Hysterical warnings about Trumpussolini are all the rage again, only they are more hysterical than before as it dawns on the left that maybe renominating a corrupt, desiccated old pervert publicly sundowning his way to Senility City even as he wrecks the economy, betrays our allies, kills our soldiers, prosecutes political opponents, and invites the entire Third World to camp out on our collective lawn makes for a president whose popularity going into the election is comparable to that of colon polyps and lung cheese.
Leading the way is The New Republic, with a typically subtle illustration of Trump glowering with a Hitler mustache because the parallels between the genocidal Bavarian house painter and the Playboy bunny-tapping Queens playboy are obvious to anyone with an agenda or a brain defect, or both. The venerable magazine recently devoted an entire issue – they actually still print this thing? – to the idea that the rise of Trump is the death of Our Democracy. This might be true. Correctly focused, the Trump 2.0 administration could be the death of Their Democracy and the resurrection of Ours. While the commies are right to fear that a conservative-populist government led by a now-experienced president fresh off multiple attempts to frame him into prison for the rest of his life will shatter all their pinko dreams, their notion of how this equates to fascism is a bit odd in the sense that none of the things they purport to fear constitute “fascism” in any sense of the word other than the one whispered into their brains by the voices in their heads. It is performance art, without the art and with typically flaccid performance. The issue is written by the political commentary equivalent of a lonely hard-5 sophomore at an expensive but generic liberal arts college whose daddy and mommy just don’t get her and who obsessively scribbles florid prose into her dream journal about the injustices she has suffered, raging at how the world refuses to accept that she is special, damn it, and deserves attention. But she doesn’t deserve attention, and to the extent The New Republic’s toobinesque fantasy of coming oppression – would that be so! – deserves attention, that attention is justified only as part of a comprehensive campaign of mockery.
Let’s look at what TNR says constitutes “fascism,” but not to point out that leftism makes no sense to the rational mind. To do so would be to misunderstand the essence of leftism, which is that nothing matters but leftism. They might or might not know their definition makes no rational sense, but what they objectively know is not the point. Leftism frees you from the surly bonds of facts; it’s liberating when you need not concern yourself with petty bourgeois conceits like consistency and making sense. This is why we get “Queers for Palestine '' eagerly stanning the Seventh Century sociopaths who would eagerly toss them from the nearest rooftop, and why you get this cracked and kooky version of fascism. We, the base, get that it’s entirely insane, but we are neither shocked nor appalled. We accept the enemy as it is. But normal people will be shocked and appalled until they too are based, so, to the extent we observe that the communists crying fascism are not actually decrying “fascism” but embracing it, we do so to freak out the squares and inspire them to join us in our campaign to purge the hateful stain of Marxism from our country and then from the world.
So, what is the fascism that Trump will rain down upon us? Here’s a juicy one: “On law: Trump could make use of the discretionary powers available to the executive branch to direct the FBI and the Department of Justice to target his political rivals as well as private businesses and media organizations.” Yeah, imagine a president who made use of the discretionary powers available to the executive branch to direct the FBI and the Department of Justice to target his political rivals as well as private businesses and media organizations. Man, that would be awful.
Or how about this? “On politics: Hungary’s Orbán is a muse of Trump, the GOP, and the Heritage Foundation for his success at a brand of authoritarian governance that Trump’s second administration would seek to consolidate: personalist rule.” You know what country I think of when I think of authoritarianism? Not the one Biden left $80 billion in weapons to, or the one whose mullahs get billions from Biden. No, it’s the one that has free elections where the people reject the EU’s determination to turn them into yet another rainbow flag Third World freeloader destination. Nothing says “fascism” louder than an elected leader rejecting society-changing decrees by extra-national bureaucrats!
Here’s a doozy: “On the border: Trump’s promise to round up undocumented immigrants in the United States and to place them in vast, militarized detention camps near the border, most likely in Texas, to await, without any due process, their deportations.” Nothing screams “fascism” like enforcing the laws enacted by the people’s representatives in Congress. TNR fails to explain how it’s a “democracy” if one guy simply decides, on his own, that he will not enforce the laws. I thought one-man rule by decree was bad. I guess it depends on the one man.
And look out – Trump’s going to be mean to the media and suppress dissenting voices! “On the media: Trump is vowing to investigate media outlets that challenge him. His fans have been primed for revenge and for freedom from fact. If the chill descends in 2025, no one can claim to be surprised.” We can only hope that Trump does not cooperate with media outlets by enlisting, say, 51 members of the Deep State to silence stories about his corrupt family, or to suppress dissenting medical information, or stuff like that.
And think about this chilling reality under Trumphitler: “On culture: Trump and his political-media operatives prefer manufactured outrage directed at the cultural ‘garbage’ served to the aggrieved activists more than they do difficult legal efforts to outright proscribe texts and artistic events.” Book bannings will abound under Trump – imagine a country where perverted texts are not available to fourth graders!
Watch out – the Army is coming! “On the military: Trump is fond of military pomp and circumstance, and fonder still of power. He has signaled his desire to use the U.S. military to suppress domestic protest and aid in mass roundups and deportations of undocumented immigrants.” With Trump as commander-in-chief, we might not invade East Wherethehellistan! Nor will we use our drones and F-16s on Americans with AR15s!
He will muzzle the teachers! “On education: Bringing educators under gradually more intrusive laws restricting their freedom creates a climate of fear and intimidation. When laws target anyone who challenges the greatness of a nation, it’s not a positive sign for democracy.” Nothing says “fascism” like elected representatives instead of unaccountable bureaucrats determining what is taught in public schools – “educators” have a right to your money to pay them to spread their ideology to your kids! And what kind of monster wants schools teaching about the greatness of our nation?
Remarkably, the big danger is that, under Trump 2.0, our daily lives will not change! “On daily life: If the worst comes to be, and democratic liberalism begins to fray in America, daily life will always go on, as it did under the worst regimes in history. We’re going to live through it, but it’s going to be harder on us.” Remember, “fascism” is when it is harder on them – “democracy” is when it is harder on you and me.
Well, that’s a chilling vision of the future. Not. In fact, that’s pretty much the greatest pro-Trump advertisement I’ve ever read. The only way it could be better is if it had Trump promising communists free helicopter rides.
No, this issue of The New Republic – like all these “TRUMP IS GONNA FASCIST US SO HARD!” ravings – is an in-kind contribution to the Trump 2024 campaign. And the fussy, femmy fanatics at TNR better disclose it as such to the Federal Elections Commission or the Trump Department of Justice might just send in the FBI to arrest them all for campaign finance violations.