WASHINGTON, D.C. — Not to be outdone by Trump releasing the "God Bless The USA" Bible, President Biden announced today the production of his very own "Allahu Joe Biden" edition of the Quran.
"Just in time for Ramadan!" exclaimed Biden, holding up a copy fresh off the printing press. "Allahu, uh, the thing!"
According to sources, the new Quran will come with a copy of the Hamas charter as well as a list of President Biden's favorite Arabic proverbs. "Back when I was a kid, I was literally raised in mosques! I was always hanging out with the Imams -- not a joke," said Biden. "Muslim Joe, that's what they used to call me back in Scranton. Trump thinks he's such a hotshot with his Bible, wait until you see the 'Allahu Joe Biden' Quran, the Arabs are going to go crazy for this."
Though the White House vehemently denied Biden's new Quran to be associated with his poor poll numbers in Minnesota and Michigan, pundits have remained skeptical. "With no improvement in the polls after negotiating to free 400 Hamas terrorists, Biden is getting desperate," said Hill commentator Janice Beasley. "Sadly, I don't think he knows how the Muslim community is going to take the phrase 'Allahu Joe'. This won't be pretty."
At publishing time, Biden had announced a humanitarian airdrop of Biden Qurans into Dearborn, Michigan.