OTTAWA — In a groundbreaking decision that sent ripples across the geopolitical landscape, the Canadian Supreme Court has ruled that the term "Justin Trudeau" is outdated and should instead be replaced with the more inclusive term, "Person With A Vagina."
The unanimous ruling asserted that using the narrow term "Justin Trudeau" fails to accurately represent the diverse spectrum exemplified by the person who currently holds the position of Prime Minister of Canada.
"We must move beyond archaic labels that do not reflect the full breadth of our society and indeed the person who governs it," declared Chief Justice Richard Wagner as he sipped a cup of maple syrup. "It is imperative that we adopt language that is inclusive of all gender identities, including that of Prime Minister Trudeau — er, pardon me, Prime Minister Person With A Vagina."
The decision has sparked mixed reactions across the country and around the globe, with some people praising it as a step forward in the fight for gender equality and others shaking their heads in disbelief. "I understand the idea of inclusivity, but this just seems a bit... absurd," remarked the foremost and only Canadian political analyst, Doug Parker. "Is this really what our highest court is spending its time on? It seems everything these days has to revolve around Prime Minister Person With A Vagina, eh?"
At publishing time, U.S. President Joe Biden had briefly spoken with reporters and offered heartfelt congratulations to "my friend, Canadian Prime Minister Person With A… With A… you know, the thing."