WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued a stern condemnation of Jesus Christ after learning that the Savior of mankind had the audacity to rise from the dead on Biden's "Trans Day Of Visibility".
"Who does this Jesus think he is?" shouted an angry Biden. "Today is about dudes becoming chicks and chicks becoming dudes, not dead people becoming alive! Come on, man!"
President Biden released the announcement for the "Trans Day Of Visibility" on Good Friday, moments after the memorial of Christ's crucifixion. "It was bad enough Jesus stole my thunder by dying the day I announced it," muttered Biden. "As if that wasn't enough, then Jesus goes and rises from the dead -- right on my day celebrating guys who want to use women's showers! I'm starting to think this Jesus guy scheduled all of this on purpose!"
According to sources, Jesus Christ's resurrection bringing the hope of salvation and eternal life to mankind has, in fact, distracted from people looking at guys wearing skirts. "Admittedly, Biden is not wrong. In light of the risen Christ, everything else fades," reported local man John Marshall. "What else can we do but look to Him?"
At publishing time, Heavenly sources confirmed that the evil and silliness of all earthly powers were but mist in the light of Christ's eternal kingdom.