Journalist and reformed bow-tie enthusiast Tucker Carlson recently returned home from a trip to Russia with glowing reviews of the former Soviet Union and its leader, President Vladimir Putin.
Carlson praised Russia for its clean cities and pristine subway systems. Here are 9 other things that Tucker saw that convinced him Russia is definitely better than the USA.
- No other journalists anywhere for some odd reason: Tucker confirmed the streets are completely clear of loathsome journalists. Also, the prisons are full for some reason.
- No tampon dispensers in the men's restroom: Paradise!
- A small village where a bear is mayor: Tucker was astounded to learn the bear established effective local policy and manages an entire city budget, all while drunk on vodka. Biden could never do that.
- No Taylor Swift: And no Travis Kelce. It's hard for Americans to imagine such a world.
- Slow drivers in the fast lane are sent to the gulag: Also, fast drivers in the slow lane are sent to the gulag.
- No one has to worry about who will win the next presidential election: Much less stress this way.
- Functional nuclear warheads are available for purchase by private citizens at every newsstand: That would never be allowed here. Because of wokeness.
- Totally awesome super amazing tracksuits as far as the eye can see: In America, we have a shocking lack of 20-something-year-old men hanging out on the street corner casually flipping around butterfly knives while wearing black Adidas tracksuits. We're living in tyranny!
- Astounding lack of George Floyd murals: Not even in the subway.
Tucker might be right, Russia is probably at least 40 times better than the U.S. Sad!