SEATTLE, WA — As part of an ongoing corporate initiative to show solidarity with the Palestinian people and support anti-Zionist liberation efforts, kiosks at the global coffee chain Starbucks will now ask customers if they would like to donate $1 to buy a bullet for Hamas.
"This allows our customers to do their part to help kill more Jews," said Starbucks VP of Inclusion Mark Brown. "Supporting the efforts of the brave Hamas freedom fighters through buying our coffee is one thing, but taking an active role in donating money directly to keep those Hamas AK-47s fully loaded can take things to a whole new level."
Customers using the kiosks were divided on the subject. "Heck yeah, I'll pitch in another dollar!" said patron Abdul Hasan Bakir Mohammed Mohammed. "It's great to see Starbucks stand with oppressed groups around the world. Now I can enjoy my coffee while contributing to the extermination of the Jewish people. Thank you, Starbucks!"
Other customers were uncomfortable with the new option. "Isn't that like…kind of evil?" asked Erin Morris after ordering her coffee. "I knew Starbucks had a track record of supporting progressive policies but arming a terrorist organization seems like it goes a little too far. I love the lattes here though, so I might as well pitch in a buck."
At publishing time, ice cream company Ben & Jerry's followed suit, promising that $1 of every purchase of their new flavor "Push The Jews Into The Sea Salt & Caramel" flavor would go to Hamas.