AUGUSTA, ME — Facing critics over her unilateral decision to remove Trump from the presidential ballot in 2024, Maine's Secretary of State insisted it was a necessary step due to concerns the usual election rigging system could fail.
"I know we have all the normal rigging techniques available to us, but we're worried that Trump's lead could grow so much that those efforts will fail to protect our democracy as they did in 2020," said Shenna Bellows. "Rest assured, we will not rest until we save democracy by making it completely illegal to vote for Trump. You're welcome!"
Pollsters confirmed that even with classic rigging measures like hackable voting machines, unmonitored drop-boxes, illegal immigrants, ballot harvesting, and universal mail-in voting, it may still not be enough to stop Trump from being reelected. Experts are urging Judges and officials to put additional measures in place.
At publishing time, Trump had responded by vowing to build a wall along the border between America and Maine.