In today’s gender-fluid world, plenty of people seem to have lost touch with what manhood is and what it entails. Not surprisingly, and speaking as a man myself, I have some thoughts on that topic.
As I see it, there are several key personality traits that all members of the male sex should strive for to earn the title “Man.” These traits apply to all men, whether they be white-collar, blue-collar, no-collar, or any other variety of collar; whether they be white, black, brown, or green with pink stripes, these things all apply. (For that matter, they certainly are good traits for women, as well, but I leave it to the women amongst us to document the ideals of Womanhood.)
I had the understanding of these things hammered into me by my father, who had them hammered into him by his father, and so on. Now I’m teaching them to my grandsons. These are things that young men should understand, and they are things that it is the responsibility of older men to teach; this is something that, sadly, is not happening often enough these days.
These traits are:
Work Ethic.
A family man should know the value of work. One of the defining characteristics of a family man is that he works to provide for his family. I fully support career women and see very few positions in the workplace that a woman cannot fulfill as well as a man (infantryman and sperm donor are among the exceptions), but when the kaka hits the oscillator, it is the man who should be prepared to go out and dig ditch, shovel dung, or whatever else is necessary to keep a roof over his family’s head and food on the table. Also, success in any workplace can be achieved by following three key rules:
- Show up a little earlier than the other guys.
- Work a little harder than the other guys.
- Never pass up a chance to learn something new.
Integrity.
A man should be known by his word. This is not unique to men; all people should be known by their word. When you look in the mirror in the morning, you should be able to answer “yes” to the question, “Would you buy a used car from this guy?” Integrity – honesty – is also a binary. You are either honest, or you are not. There is no middle ground.
Honor.
Honor is in part an aspect of reputation. If your peers honor you, it means they hold you in high esteem; your personal reputation is admirable. If you comport yourself with honor, that means you conduct your affairs in a way that brings you admiration and respect. The way to be a person who is honored is to be someone who is recognized and rewarded for their achievements; this is why military awards are often referred to as “honors.”
Respect.
Respect is something that must be earned. There is little so off-putting as a lifelong marginal who has achieved nothing more in their existence than to suck up oxygen and turn food into sewage, whining because they are “disrespected.” Respect is earned, and it is shared among people who have shown, through their acts, that they are worthy of that respect.
Purpose.
There is nothing so detestable as a man with no purpose. That purpose may vary widely from man to man; for one, it may be business success, for another, it may be the military or some other form of public service; for yet another, it may be the production of fine literature. But purpose is what drives men onward, to achieve goals, to strive for success, whatever their chosen field for that success may be.
Generosity.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m frugal by nature; I always try to get the most bang for my buck. But I can’t stand meanness; there is a big difference between being frugal and being cheap. The generosity of the wallet is, in my thinking, tied to the generosity of the spirit. I work hard to achieve a certain level of material success, and part of the benefit is the opportunity to be generous to people I care about. I work hard for my money and hate to see it wasted, but generosity is an investment that always yields a good return.
Courage.
I’m not just talking about physical courage, the kind of courage that at the First Battle of the Marne in 1914 led French soldiers to charge German machine guns, although that is important too. I’m talking about the courage to do the right thing, even if it costs you. Courage means telling your boss that the pet project he wants you to work on is doomed to fail. It means walking away from a lucrative business deal that you have an ethical problem with. Sometimes it even means telling your wife that those pants do indeed make her butt look big.
Persistence.
This is what my Old Man refers to as “Seeing things through.” When you take a job, you finish it. When you start something, you see it through. This ties into Integrity; it ties into Work Ethic and Courage. Anyone can be a starter. It takes a bit more to be a finisher, especially when things get tough. As an old business mentor of mine used to say, “You have to close the deal.”
Mentoring.
Mentoring ability may be one of the most important aspects of manhood. This is, above all, the process of passing on what you have learned. In my professional career, I have been mentored by my seniors and, as my career progressed, have mentored younger professionals, and it’s been very rewarding. But mentoring doesn’t only entail the professional sphere. One of the more rewarding experiences in my life has been my mentoring of the young man I refer to as Loyal Sidekick Rat, who had never been fishing or hunting until I encountered him. The first trip we took after big game, a week-long excursion into the Colorado mountains after mule deer, was unsuccessful in large part due to his lack of movement skills in the woods; in fact, when moving through the woods, he sounded a lot like someone was driving an armored personnel carrier through a bamboo thicket. But now, almost fifteen years later, his woodcraft is on par with my own, he is a successful hunter and a good shot, and one day he will pass on what he has learned.
It's not always easy to be a man in this modern world. Politicians denounce us as “toxic.” Leftists in academia and the workplace seem to have declared war on traditional masculinity. But there still is, and always will be, a place for men in society, and there will always be a place in society for men who are proud of and who value manhood.