MANHATTAN, NY — Judge Arthur Engeron has ruled President Donald Trump guilty of grossly exaggerating how great his acting was in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
"I find the defendant's description of his performance as 'Oscar-worthy' an egregious deception," said Judge Engeron in his ruling. "I went back and watched it again, and Trump just really oversold it. I estimate that Trump has falsely over-represented his acting value by at least 2,300 percent. It was decent at best."
Mr. Trump and his family blasted the decision on social media, arguing the judge to be woefully ignorant of acting value. "EVERYONE KNOWS THE OSCARS THAT YEAR WERE RIGGED FOR ANTHONY HOPKINS," said Mr. Trump, posting on Truth Social. "This is a SHAM ruling by a judge who OBVIOUSLY can't tell SANDRA BULLOCK from SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR. Banana Republic!!"
Despite the outrage, Judge Engeron insisted his decision was not political. "I am merely ruling that there is a massive chasm between Mr. Trump's assessment of his acting and the historic film reviews," said Judge Engeron. "The problem is all of the poor film critics who were hoodwinked by Trump's inflated description. Though experts in film and television acting, they believed Trump when he said that Home Alone 2 was easily better than Silence of the Lambs, and that's a harm that can never be undone."
At publishing time, Mr. Trump was seen throwing darts at a picture of Anthony Hopkins.