WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of President Joe Biden's corruption continues to mount, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy has issued his most serious threat yet, promising to respond to the Biden administration with the strongliest-worded letter ever written.
"Don't test me! I'll totally do it!" Speaker McCarthy told members of the media assembled at the U.S. Capitol. "If President Biden and his corrupt administration keep blatantly flouting the law and selling out our nation and its citizens, I will have no choice but to write yet another letter explaining my displeasure. This time, I'll use even stronger language. That should do the trick!"
Despite pleas from outraged citizens and select lawmakers to initiate impeachment proceedings against Biden, McCarthy again voiced his belief that a stern letter should yield the results the nation needs. "Why go through the trouble of impeaching the president?" McCarthy replied when asked about his seeming refusal to take a more proactive approach. "If I were to launch an impeachment inquiry, we could end up uncovering even more corruption and illegal conduct, leading to a massive scandal and the potential removal of President Biden from office. No one wants that. This is about holding the administration accountable, and drafting the strongest-worded letter of all time is the best way to do that."
At publishing time, further evidence of criminal activity on the part of Joe Biden and his surrogates had been discovered, leading McCarthy to order his aides to begin drafting yet another super-duper-extra-strongly-worded letter of reprimand.