SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With the actors' strike threatening to halt filming, the producers of Snow White decided to replace the dwarves with seven people chosen at random from a San Francisco homeless camp.
"You know what - don't even bother having the hobos change clothes," said director Rupert Sanders. "I'm actually digging the part hippie, part Revolutionary War crossover they have going."
While allowing production to continue, sources at Disney did admit that the unusual casting choices did mean some characters had to be re-written. "We had to change 'Bashful' to 'Shoeless Jimmy', and 'Dopey' is now 'Pirate Kevin'," said Mr. Sanders. "The real shocker was when we realized the producers actually found a homeless dwarf -- er, little guy. We had to make one character 'Normal Size-y' and then called the little one 'Midget Steve'. It's not perfect, but we're full steam ahead."
According to sources, Disney offered each hobo a six-pack of beer and new socks as compensation. "That pirate guy also asked for some rope," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "It was so much easier than negotiating with actors, and we saved a fortune. The only real issue we've had on set is they keep stopping mid-scene to take a dump, right in front of everyone. We're going to have a LOT of work to do in post-production."
At publishing time, Disney had decided to just give up and light $100 million on fire with a flamethrower to get it over with.