Well, the day has finally arrived: your cute little parasitical clump of cells has popped out of one of the birthing persons in your relationship, and it's now suddenly a real human being. But what gender is it? It's hard to say. It could even be - fingers crossed - trans!
How do you tell if your adorable little genderless bundle of joy might be trans, catapulting you into a new level of fame and attention among your friend group? Here are 9 signs to look out for:
- Crying - Biologists believe if babies cry, it might be because they are really trying to scream, "I'm the wrong gender! Transition me now!" Listen to the science.
- Spitting up - This is a sign of your baby rejecting and literally BARFING OUT their biological sex
- Pooping - this is a sign of your baby rejecting and literally POOPING OUT their biological sex.
- Does not put up any kind of logical argument when you point out all the reasons they should be trans - Their silence is consent to immediately change their gender. They'd speak up if they objected!
- Soothed by Dylan Mulvaney videos - Your trans baby is being comforted by trans joy.
- Screams at Jordan Peterson videos - Your baby is being triggered by facts and logic, the two mortal enemies of transgenderism.
- Drinks milk - Try to stay with us here: there are four letters in milk, and milk is white. There are also four letters in trans, and white is one of the colors in the trans flag. Better put baby in his car seat for a trip to the gender clinic!
- Does not sleep well - How could a baby sleep knowing they are in the wrong body?
- You really, really want them to be trans - And finally, this is the most important sign of all. Any baby can be trans if you, the parent, really want them to be.