Somehow we got to the point where we're expected to just nod politely when freaks, strangeos, and perverts turn up in positions of great responsibility. Well, that needs to change. Whether it's some "non-binary" bondage mutant who oversees America's nuclear waste betwixt bouts of luggage larceny or an Army colonel who – and yeah, this happened – masks up as a leather sex puppy in uniform on social media and who, along with junior officers, also dressed as carnal canines, forms what I guess would be an erotic litter. And then there's the everyday parade of creepy groomer oddities teaching our kids – actually, indoctrinating them – who are so proud of it that they go post videos of themselves bragging about the gender confusion and woke nonsense they spread. Time to stop accepting the idea that we need to pretend weirdos are not weird.
You know, this whole live and let live thing has outlived its usefulness, not least of all because that concept never applies to us normal people who like family and church and not dressing up as OnlyFans Lassie. There is a big difference between sending the cops to break down the door of Colonel Colliecoupler's kennel to roust the secret sex pack and refusing to let a grown man who thinks it's cool to dress up as a bondage beagle and have sex with similarly costumed people lead American soldiers.
These are bad things, and people should not do them. You should not assume some non-existent sex and rip-off baggage, or bump paws with other people dressed up in Doberman drag, or come into a classroom with green hair, a bolt through your nose, and a desire to invent new pronouns so you can turn kids into baffled basket cases. These things are not okay, and we have no moral obligation to give those who do them jobs of great responsibility. In fact, through all of human history, until like five years ago, mankind understood that crazy people should not be empowered, and we got along fine without the contributions of dudes with mustaches dressed like Lola Falana swiping Samsonites off the baggage claim conveyor belts of every airport from LAX to DCA.
It's not hard. Say it with me.
You are a weirdo, and being a weirdo disqualifies you from any kind of serious job.
This is because weirdos come with a lot of baggage – if you'll pardon the expression – that makes it very likely they will perform their jobs poorly. Look at that nuclear waste of space. Who is surprised that this bizarre person has BOLOs out across the globe for knicking women's check-ins? Do you look at this dude and think, "Oh, here's the kind of cool, steady hand I want guarding piles of plutonium"? Yeah, he just got fired, but why the hell was he/she/they/xip/xap/xorp ever hired?
Will this cause a rethink? Of course not. The guy is a nut. Except we're told we can't say that because … well, it will make the nuts feel bad. But they are still nuts whether we say it or not.
And the best thing that can be said about Colonel Milkbone is that at least he's aviation branch and not infantry. This full-birddog colonel does not have the dignity to be ashamed of his icky perversion; he's loud and proud about loving to dress up as a leather Labrador and have bondage sex with similarly inclined Fido fetishists. He should be ashamed and seeking treatment, but he was all over social media, and I'm not going to link it because 1) it's gross, and 2) I find it amusing to make you have to Google search for "Army colonel sex puppy bondage guy." And let me suggest that you don't, at least not around mealtime.
But this perversion is more than a massive personal failing on his part. It's even more than a disgrace to an officer corps that – no surprise – has failed to unequivocally win a major war in three decades. Word on Twitter is that this guy's troops knew about it. He was apparently a commander. The lives of our sacred young men and women were in the paws of a deviant who unironically uses the hashtag #PupPlay. And do not search that term either.
Of course, the troops always know it. We knew everything about everyone we were with. Straight or gay, fine, do your job, we're a team. But you can't have a guy who is into ridiculous fetishes and practicing them with other people in the freaking Army. It doesn't work. You must be a model of propriety to command, focused on winning wars and protecting your troops instead of fantasizing about sexy times at the Westminster Dog Show.
But there is a zero percent chance there will be any fallout. The Pentagon will ignore it. Oh, there's allegedly an investigation. It will come to nothing. Colonel Kink – how gross is it when Bob Crane is less creepy than you since he had the decency to keep his squalid perversions secret? – will not be held accountable for his actions. The passion pups still on active duty will remain there. Our military leadership, which damn well knows better, will do nada, zip, zilch. It's yet more evidence that we will lose our next war, and worse than usual.
In totally unrelated news, the military has opened up enlistment to Category IV recruits – the colloquial term for Cat 4s is "drooling morons" – because the traditional recruiting base of normal, traditional American young people has no desire to join a freak show. I do not know a single vet who is recommending young people enlist today – not one – and that was before the horny retriever revelations.
And then there are the school weirdos. Instead of teaching kids, these people get teacher gigs to live out their personal psychodramas with our kids as the audience. In the not-too-distant past, if you showed up to an interview looking like a technicolor mutant, you would not get past the front door. Today, they get hired and start a YouTube channel. And you know what they call people today who object to these unhinged radicals instructing our kids that they can switch their genders and keep it on the down-low from mom and dad? "Terrorists."
There is a solution, though. It's to reject false tolerance, the kind that is not about letting people alone to live their private lives but about forcing their intolerable strangeness upon the rest of us. We tried what they called "tolerance," and they started grooming our kids and unleashing kooks to command our troops.
It is high time we no longer tolerate nuts. No, if you are a nut, you do not get a position of responsibility. Too bad. You don't get an important job because you are crazy, and craziness does not stop when you leave your house, or doghouse, as it were. Let's reach far back to yesteryear – like 2017 – when it was understood that insanity is disqualifying.
We are supposed to sit back silently and accept all this, even though every one of us – including the lunatics' advocates – knows these folks are not right. There is huge social pressure to pretend this is all A-OK, but it's not. Remember the emperor's new clothes and how everyone was pretending the sovereign looked just fine? Well, now the sartorially-challenged sovereign is wearing a Corgi costume, and the rest of us need to stand up and say, "Bad dog."
We will know we are back to a serious culture when we have serious standards again. You can't be an Instagram icon for gender confusion and safeguard our radioactive debris. You can't be trusted to lead US soldiers if you publicly pretend to be a sex puppy. And you can't teach our kids unless you dress and act like a serious adult instead of someone furious with her daddy. Time to get serious about not tolerating weirdness.
Vanilla people of the world unite – you have nothing to lose but some freak's chains!