When socialism arrives, you're going to want to be ready to "look at the glass as half-full" – even if the glass is empty or even if there is no glass! Here are 10 new perspectives you can adopt in the glorious socialist utopia that will help you make the best of things!
- You can finally meet your weight loss goal: If current trends hold, you'll be down to a slim, girlish 75 pounds by end-of-year!
- Your wife will be limited to only a couple of decorative pillows: Save the leather couch cushions to boil into this year's neighborhood stone soup festival!
- Kids aren't nearly as noisy when they're dehydrated: For big families living under socialism, silver linings abound!
- Everyone is happy: It helps that the complainers seem to just disappear!
- You'll meet all kinds of nice people while standing in line: Broaden your horizons. Or should we say "breaden" your horizons? Eh? EH?
- No election fraud: It's easier when there are no elections!
- No long lines at Starbucks: It's easier when there's no Starbucks!
- You get to choose from one of two exciting books at the public library: Das Kapital by Marx and Becoming by Michelle Obama. What more do you need?
- No more depressing news: The state news media is always so positive about how the government is doing – it lifts the spirits of any patriotic citizen!
- You won't feel lonely anymore: Big Brother will always be with you!
It's all about perspective – just remember to look on the bright side – or else!