WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources, Biden was seen outside a gas station this afternoon yelling at the big price sign to lower its prices.
"Come on, man! I ain't kidding around here! No joke! You gotta lower your prices! Do the right thing for God's sake!" said Biden as he shook his fist at the giant sign. "You're killing me here! This ain't hard! Just be cheaper! Like, be two or maybe three bucks, max! This ain't funny anymore!"
The President then lowered his voice to a creepy low whisper and said: "Here's the rub, 7-Eleven. Drop your prices or I drop you, you get me?"
Witnesses say Biden became more enraged after the Mobil sign just stood there silently and indifferently and refused to respond.
Administration officials warn that gas prices will continue to rise as Biden has tried everything except allowing oil companies to get more oil—and this "shouting" strategy is one of the only remaining options for turning things around.
At publishing time, Biden abandoned the "shout at the signs" strategy in favor of shouting at the customers for paying such high prices.