Friday, April 1, 2022

Desperate CNN+ Just Added These 13 New Shows


After years of waiting, the world finally has the opportunity to subscribe to CNN's new streaming service, CNN+. Unfortunately, the launch hasn't gone according to plan as no one signed up. Desperate to save the new streaming platform, CNN has announced a bevy of new shows! Check it out! These are gonna be amazing!

The Book of Brian Stelter - Basically the same as Brian Stelter's normal news program, except Stelter spices things up by wearing Mandalorian armor. Cool!

Teen Wolf Blitzer - A normal high school kid is struck by a horrific curse that makes him transform into Wolf Blitzer in the light of a full moon. *shiver*

To Catch a CNN Predator - Like NBC's To Catch A Predator, but with a twist: the host and film crew are all predators too! 

Don Lemondalorian - Just like Lemon's regular news show except he'll hold a baby Yoda the whole time. Awwwwww! 

Game of Thrones, but every character is played by Chris Wallace - He'll make an amazing mother of dragons. His acting range is incredible. Warning: extremely disturbing.

Real Housewives of Chris Cuomo - Take a peek into the sordid lives of Chris Cuomo's housewives--all twelve of them! 

Bedtime ASMR: Bob Muller Reads the Muller Report - ZZZZzzzzzzzz...

Jeopardy! but every answer is 'January 6' - "I'll take January 6 for $600. What is January 6? JANUARY 6!!!!!!!"

Survivor: Epstein Island - After filming, they will delete the footage and pretend the story never existed. 

Naked and Afraid, with Jeffrey Toobin - Jeffrey Toobin walks in on coworkers while naked, making them feel very afraid. Just a normal day at the office. 

Wheel of Science, with Dr. Fauci - This delightful game show will let contestants spin the wheel to find out what THE SCIENCE (or Pfizer) want them to do today! 

The Muppet View - The View, but with Muppets. Unlike the original, this will feature witty and intelligent conversations. 

Shark Tank+ - A show in which Jeff Zucker makes a pitch to the Sharks to please buy CNN+ for $7

These look great! Which one are you most looking forward to?