XINJIANG—According to sources, Uyghur Muslims imprisoned in Chinese concentration camps have begun flying Ukrainian flags so people will pay attention to them.
"We were inspired to see the whole world coming together as one to defeat oppression with these little blue and yellow flags," said one unnamed prisoner. "We figure that maybe if we wave these around, the world will start caring about us too!"
According to anonymous sources, the flags are expertly crafted in secret in between production orders for Nike and Disney. Large flags are hung from rooftops or used as blankets. Smaller flags are sewn into their clothing so they cannot be easily confiscated.
The Uyghur people reportedly work day and night, risking the fulfillment of their stringent production quotas, all in the hopes that anyone—anyone at all—will take notice of them.
Camp guards first grew suspicious of the blue and yellow designs popping up everywhere when foreign reporters began petitioning for entry, apparently drawn to the vibrant Ukrainian colors like a moth to the flame. But camp guards breathed a sigh of relief when they realized the journalists were only interested in everyone's thoughts on Ukraine.
"We are beaten—we have no hope—" one prisoner pleaded through a shattered jaw.
"It is so brave of you to stand up for Ukraine, but I see that you are using Russian-made sewing machines? How dare you!" pressed CNN correspondent David Culver to one of the overworked prisoners.
At publishing time, Uyghurs were admonished for failing to specifically condemn Putin, instead selfishly trying to talk about themselves.