TALLAHASSEE, FL—The popular topical pain-relieving cream Bengay is undergoing a name change in order to stay compliant with Florida law. Starting next month, the sore muscle medication will be sold under the new name "Benstraight."
"Due to Ron DeSantis's new legislation, the word 'gay' is now completely forbidden in the state of Florida. At least—that's what it said in all my favorite left-wing media sources," said J&J Vice President Damien Creemstank. "This rebranding effort will make our product legal again, and should increase our sales in the homophobic bigot community."
Those wanting the original Bengay will have to cross state lines and smuggle the original product into Florida.
According to sources, hundreds of teachers have already smuggled Bengay into Florida schools, where they will require their kindergarteners to use it at all times while screaming the word "gay" at the top of their lungs.