TALLAHASSEE, FL—Just hours after Ron Desantis signed the hateful "Dont Say Gay" Bill, state officials have reported that all of their jails are practically overflowing and approaching their breaking point. This controversial and homophobic bill is the first of its kind, where a specific word of the English language has become a jailable offense.
"We're out of room to put all these criminals!" said Tallahassee PD Officer Rusty Hankerage. "Ever since the law has passed it seems everyone's saying ga—um I mean 'you-know-what.' And frankly, we're not paid enough to make this many arrests. The whole thing is 'you-know-what' in my opinion."
"We read the bill and it clearly says not to give classroom instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity in kindergarten through third grade—which obviously means arrest and imprison anyone caught saying the word 'G-A-Y,'" explained Officer Hankerage, carefully spelling out the word.
Florida PD is asking for more facilities to house all the criminals. They explained that most of the offenders put behind bars have been activists, kids playing Call of Duty, attention-seeking celebrities, and only a handful of gay people. They said they are doing their best to make accommodations, but they're simply running out of room to store them all.
At publishing time, Governor Ron DeSantis read directly from the bill stating, "It's to prevent inappropriate grooming and indoctrination. In fact, the bill never even says the word 'gay.'" DeSantis was then promptly tackled and handcuffed for saying the word "gay."