Are you having trouble getting your fallout shelter in order in time for the brisk nuclear winter that is certainly coming? Have no fear--we at The Babylon Bee are experts in doomsday prepping!
Use this list to ensure you have everything you need:
1) A ten-year supply of Goya Beans and a lead-lined MyPillow: Both are on sale. Don't delay, act now!
2) A shotgun with a chainsaw attachment: Every bunker needs at least one.
3) A KJV Bible: You can't get to heaven without an authorized 1611 KJV!
4) Pocket English-Russian Dictionary: Есть только два пола.
5) Tuttle Twins Books: Might have a better shot of building back better with these books for reference.
6) A scalpel in case your gender changes: You don't want to be caught without a life-saving gender transition kit.
7) Laminated vaccine card and spare masks: Don't forget, we're in a pandemic!
8) All 4 seasons of Battlestar Galactica: If humanity ends, at least you'll be able to enjoy mankind's crowning artistic achievement.
9) Solar panels to combat global warming as we rebuild civilization: Don't you care about the climate?!
10) All of Obama's memoirs: They are very effective at knocking out intruders.