WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources, Biden is just kicking himself after looking at his to-do list for 2021 and realizing he forgot to shut down the virus.
"Ah, dadgummit!" Biden exclaimed to a nearby potted plant while slapping his forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something! That's too bad because it was otherwise a flawless year for me!"
Health experts say COVID deaths surged all through 2021 and cases are currently skyrocketing because Biden misplaced his small spiral-bound notebook where he keeps track of all the items on his to-do list. "We all forget—It happens to the best of us," said Dr. Fauci. "I'm sure he'll put this item at the top of his list for next year."
White House insiders say that instead Biden decided there is no federal government solution to the virus and happily crossed the item off his list in time for the new year.