Monday, November 8, 2021

I’m beginning to suspect the poop rumor is true

Was old Joe fartin’ and poopin’ his way through Europe?

Last weekend, a rumor went around social media that President Biden had a “bathroom accident” while visiting Pope Francis at the Vatican. Naturally, #PoopyPantsBiden and #PoopGate began trending on Twitter.

When I saw the initial tweet that set off it off, I didn’t believe it. The person who started it is the former Nevada GOP Chairwoman. She didn’t say how she heard about it or from whom. So the whole rumor sounded sketchy from the start. Unless it was the loudest sphincter evacuation in the history of the universe, how would she know?

Not surprisingly, Snopes fact-checked the poopy pants rumor, concluding that a rumor isn’t a fact. You guys worked that out all on your own? Great job, Snopes!

I wasn’t even going to write about PoopGate at all since I figured it was nothing but an internet rumor.

But then last night, the Daily Mail reported that Prince Charles’ wife Camilla “hasn’t stopped talking” about Joe Biden cutting a very audible fart while they engaged in a little small talk at the Glasgow Climate Summit.

An “informed source” told the Daily Mail that Joe’s flatulence was “long and loud and impossible to ignore” — kind of like Kamala’s cackle.

Given that little nugget of information, I’m beginning to suspect the Vatican poop rumor might be true.

If old Joe will indiscriminately cut the cheese while chatting with the Duchess of Cornwall, who’s to say he didn’t decide to let one rip while chatting with the Pope — only to get more than he bargained for? It’s not uncommon for someone to quietly squeeze out a fart, then discover too late that what squeezed out wasn’t just a fart.

There’s even a word for that, you know. It’s called a “Shart.”

Come on, admit it. It’s happened to you at least once in your life.

And old Joe is 78-years-old. When you get up in years, bodily control becomes a wee bit unreliable. Is it really outside the realm of possibility that a guy who often suffers from verbal diarrhea might just suffer from the standard kind too?

I have no problem believing it anymore.