CHICAGO, IL—With kids 15 and under being killed at a rate three times higher than in 2020, the Windy City’s public schools have begun preparations for the school year by distributing bulletproof masks to children.
The state’s school board voted unanimously to require masks with two layers of cloth to offer protection from the dangerous COVID-19 Delta Variant as well as a Kevlar layer to protect against slightly less dangerous bullets.
Mayor Lori Lightfoot, a fierce defender of school children when permitted to be by teachers unions, announced the plan to distribute the extra-safe masks in response to the unprecedented increase in violent crime.
“This surge in crime and murder and mayhem is the fault of Republicans and sexism and racist guns,” stated the Democratic mayor who slashed the police budget of the Democratically-held city in the Democratic state of Illinois.
In high-risk neighborhoods such as West Englewood, school kids are required to double or triple-mask over their vital organs as well.