CUBA—After Cubans began protesting for their freedom and over a lack of food and adequate healthcare this week, American socialists announced the country is now officially "not real Communism."
"The Communist Party of Cuba, which we once praised as being a shining example of communism, is no longer real communism now that it is apparent that it has failed," said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "We were hoping this would be the communist state that succeeded. I personally, like, had pretty high hopes for them. They have, like, good programs that teach kids how to read good and stuff. But it does look pretty bad over there. So we are forced to take away their communist status."
Bernie Sanders said he was "saddened" by the official reclassification but had to acknowledge that Cuba is no longer communist, since it has decayed into a hellscape of misery, hunger, and depression.
Cuba's government will be forced to turn in their gun and communist badge to the founder and CEO of communism, Bob Communism.