U.S.—After falling short of his vaccination goals this month, the Biden Administration has announced a new effort to encourage people to get vaccinated. President Biden and Press Secretary Jen Psaki are now riding across the country on bicycles, going door-to-door to spread the good news.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Dr. Fauci, and the salvation of Pfizer, Moderna, and Johnson & Johnson?" said Psaki as a local homeowner opened his door. "We want you to know how you can be happy and secure forever. Would you like to talk a little more about this?"
According to sources, the elderly homeowner slammed the door in their faces-- causing Biden to angrily ring the doorbell over and over.
"Hey! You listen here, Jack! You think I'm just gonna walk away and let you not get vaccinated?" he said. "Why, I'll break this door down and beat you up! You think you can take me, chump?"
Psaki then quickly calmed the disgruntled Biden with a choco-choco chip ice cream cone and led him down the sidewalk to knock on the next door.
The pair will be touring the entire United States until everyone is either vaccinated or added to a secret FBI list as a possible insurrectionist.