So you're at a 4th of July cookout when all your friends and family start discussing Facebook's Orwellian alert about being exposed to extremism - when it dawns on you that everyone you know has received this alert except for you! Are you the person Facebook is warning everyone about? Did you become radicalized, and not even know it? Here are seven helpful clues to look for to know if you've become a dangerous extemist on Facebook:
1. You don't immediately start shrieking in terror whenever you see an American Flag: The American Flag is one of the most extreme and evil symbols of hate and white supremacy ever. If you don't have a severe fit of blinding rage followed by angry posts on Facebook every time you see an American flag, you are complicit! Test yourself by looking at this hate emoji: 🇺🇸
2. You liked a quote by Thomas Sowell: believing in capitalism and individual merit is like enacting your own private insurrection, every day of the year. Repent!
3. You clicked on a link from the Daily Wire: the Daily Wire is like the insurrectionist newsletter. When insurrectionists are tired from overthrowing the government, they sit down and read the Daily Wire to learn more reasons why they should overthrow the government.
4. You engaged in outrageous COVID conspiracies about hydroxychloroquine, COVID originating in Wuhan's lab, and schools being safe to open: at least, if you said these things before June 13th, 2021 at 4:56 p.m. when all of that became cool.
5. You did not press "like" when one of your friends said that Trump was Hitler: believing that Trump was not the second coming of Hitler is a gateway to the Alt-Right. Didn't you know Facebook sees you every time you scroll past a "TRUMP IS HITLER" comment without liking it? They're always watching.
6. You gave a thumbs up to one of those videos of Israel's 'Iron Dome': this one is extra bad, because it's like saying you are on board with the atrocities committed by the white supremacist state of Israel. They are brazenly oppressing indigenous missiles, and all you have to say is 'me like'?
7. You post videos of yourself dressed as a buffalo storming the Capitol: a tell-tale sign, though this does require context. Violent revolts can be mainstream and peaceful if done for the right reasons, so just make sure there are no Republicans around if you're taking selfie videos while attacking federal buildings.
Check your feed carefully, and if you notice any of these signs in one of your friends, be sure to report them! We're not going to stamp out extremism without you turning in your friends and family - one step closer to utopia!