It's increasingly clear that traditional school subjects are dripping with racism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy. We need to toss those problematic subjects and replace them with things that are woke, inclusive, and a whole lot more fun.
Here are nine problematic school subjects and what we should replace them with:
- Replace Math with Advanced Oppression Score Calculation -- Instead of adding up racist numbers, add up intersectional numbers to see how oppressed you are. Much more inclusive!
- Replace Gym with Anti-Fatphobic Body-Positive Words of Affirmation Training - Everyone will just sit in a room and whisper words of positivity to the fat kids while they eat Cheez-Its.
- Replace Sex Ed with Gay Sex Ed - Wait this isn't satire.
- Replace Reading with Drag Queen Story Hour - Dang it not satire again.
- Replace Biology with Creative Writing about what Gender You Are - Biology is all about facts, and facts have no place in a leftist worldview. Instead of learning about how a fetus is a human and there are two sexes, have the kids do a little creative gender writing.
- Replace History with Fiction about how Great Socialist Countries Have Been - Facts are out. Fiction is in.
- Replace Home Economics with Advanced Peaceful Protesting - Instead of learning how to fold laundry and clean your room, students should learn how to criticize the world.
- Replace Social Studies with Socialist Studies - Much better.
- Replace Dodgeball with Throwing Bricks at White Kids - If you can dodge a brick, you can dodge a Molotov cocktail.
Now go forth and topple our educational system and entire society! Everybody's doing it. Well, except China. What could go wrong?