TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida Governor Ron DeSantis unveiled his brand-new presidential bleached hair and spray tan this week, officially kicking off his campaign to run for president in 2024.
"What are you talking about? This is how I've always looked!" said DeSantis to questioning reporters. "And I don't appreciate it, OK? You are fake news. And frankly, it's disgraceful. Some people might even say you're losers, too. Many people are saying that, anyway. Enemies of the people. Sad."
DeSantis then turned in early to practice his grand accordion hand gestures and say "you are fake news" over and over again to the mirror.
Fans of the governor are saying that he's never looked more presidential than he does now, suggesting he could be a "shoe-in" to win in 2024.
"He's just the candidate we're looking for," said Fudd McGillicutty, Florida man. "For some reason that I can't place my finger on, he makes me feel excitement I haven't felt since 2016!"
DeSantis is currently on the hunt for a mild-mannered Christian governor from the Midwest to serve as his running mate.