NEW YORK, NY—CNN's Brian Stelter has introduced a brand new segment of his show where he will discuss all the horrible things Trump would have tweeted if he hadn't been kicked off of Twitter.
"As Americans, it's important for us to remember just how bad, how mean, how divorced from the facts, how, how, how much of a stinky poopoo head Mr. Trump really was," said Stelter. "We hope this new segment covering Trump's hypothetical tweets will help viewers remember how we literally saved democracy by electing Biden in a completely fair, not rigged election."
Some of the hypothetical Trump tweets discussed on the first show will include gems like:
- "The very sad loser 'president' Biden says he cured the virus. But that was all me! Very low ratings! Pathetic!"
- "Many fine people including our African Americans and the LATINO community have received the vaccine. YOUR WELCOME! ENJOY!"
- "The whole world is laughing at us thanks to Sleepy Joe and Cacklin' Kamala. Why does that woman laugh at everything? Unstable? Maybe, and MANY are saying that! Including China!!!!"
- "Biden and the looney liberals are a total disgrace. GET SMART AMERICA!"
- "Failing CNN and all the other 'FAKE NEWS' could use a lesson or maybe several lessons from OAN. They are very kind to me. Real journalism!"
- "Biden doesn't seem to care about all the illegals like he said? Too bad!!! Should have listened to the experts, Joe! (me)"
"These heinous tweets are a reminder of Trump's fascism," wept Stelter to the camera after ranting about each tweet for twenty minutes. "Tomorrow, we will show you worse tweets than this!"
Trump responded to the new CNN segment, saying: "So sad!! Little Stelter at CNN can't get along without me. Want me back Brian? 2024?"