Much was made over the cheat sheets Joe Biden used to keep track of the various reporters during his first solo press conference yesterday. But the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service can confirm that the use of cheat sheets are common practice for Joe Biden.
In fact, a source close to the Biden family confirms that Joe is issued cheat sheets for everything – from keeping track of family to knowing how to dress.
“The whole house is filled with these cheat sheets,” our source explained. “Honestly I don’t know why the White House is using mailing labels. They used to use those at the Biden house, but Joe kept getting them stuck to his fingers. So now the cheat sheets are printed out on card stock.”
They went to the additional length of laminating them after Jill discovered Joe was nibbling on the corners of the cards.
“I figure it won’t be long before the White House will realize sticky labels aren’t the way to go,” our source added.
At great personal risk to his or her own safety, our source smuggled several of these cheat sheets out of the Bidens’ Delaware mansion and delivered them to the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service.
Here is your exclusive look at these cheat sheets.
Page One of the “Biden Family” cheat sheet:
Our source explains that every family member (except one particular grandchild in Arkansas) has his or her own identifying card.
Page one of “Biden Dressing Guide:”
Page one of “Biden’s Favorite Programs” cheat sheet:
The source confirms the existence of several additional cheat sheets including:
• “Brushing Your Teeth”
This cheat sheet was created to prevent Joe from eating the toothpaste like squeeze cheese.
• “Showering”
In order to prevent Joe from running naked after the dog, this cheat sheet was added in late 2020.
Finally, there is an extensive, detailed map of the Biden House to prevent Joe from getting lost. Originally, according to our source, this map folded like a typical road map for easy storage. But after Joe became increasingly frustrated in his attempts to refold it, they created over a dozen new, laminated maps that are mounted to the wall of every room, stairway and hallway.
“Each and every one of those includes the requisite ‘You Are Here’ circle for Joe’s convenience,” our source explained. “Though we had to swap out the generic circles with round pictures of Joe because he didn’t know the ‘you’ in ‘You Are Here’ was referring to him.”
When asked, our source would not confirm or deny whether similar maps are currently used in the White House.
Catch up on all the exclusive reporting from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service HERE.
The Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service: Wildly inaccurate, but not CNN inaccurate.
