WASHINGTON, D.C.—"May God bless this voyage, and may God bless New America!" Trump said before a crowd of a few hundred loyal patriots in Washington. They had gathered at the docks to board three small ships: the Covfefe, the Bigly, and the Yugeflower, built especially for their voyage.
Their destination? Greenland, where Trump will establish a colony that's "even bigger and better than that old, stupid America."
"It will be the best America, maybe ever!" he said as the crowd cheered. "We're talking freedom you wouldn't believe, liberties galore. That old, sad America is just pathetic! Not good!"
The ships then pulled out of the harbor as Antifa well-wishers stood and screamed at the sky, distraught that their only reason for living was leaving America.
Plans for the new colony include a Mt. Rushmore that just has four faces of Trump, a Statue of Liberty modeled after Melania, and a Meme War Memorial in the capital city of Trumpington. Greenland will be divided into the same states we have in America today, though California and New York will be left out in order to make it a true utopia.