Saturday, November 14, 2020

Outstanding Move: Trump Begins Referring To Himself As Galactic Emperor-Elect



WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an outstanding 4D chess masterstroke, President Trump has begun referring to himself as Galactic Emperor-Elect, forcing Democrats to recognize him as the supreme galactic ruler. 

"I am the Emperor of the Galaxy and if you disagree, you are undermining confidence in our democracy," he said. "A lot of sad losers on [flowerbed]hole Outer Rim planets deny that I won, but they're very nasty people. Not good!"

Legal scholars begrudgingly admitted Trump's move was masterful and that there's nothing much we can do now but accept Trump as the Galactic Emperor and submit to the Empire's subjugation of the galaxy.

"Well, looks like we're beaten," said Rachel Maddow on her program as she dutifully donned a Stormtrooper uniform. "Hail Trump, and long live the Empire!"

As it's not yet clear whether Republicans will retain control of the Senate, Trump has helpfully offered to do their job for them, declaring, "I am the Senate!"