SACRAMENTO, CA—California is leading the nation once again. While other, backwards states are still clinging on to outdated notions like "liberty" and "freedom," Governor Gavin Newsom has ordered all citizens to wear new full-body masks.
The progressive state is requiring all citizens to wear the newly designed full-body masks or risk death by stoning.
"California is the most progressive state in the nation; therefore, we will be the first ones to force all our citizens to wear these attractive new full-body masks," said Governor Gavin Newsom. "Other states are still conservative and religious, but we are progressive and have dumped those outdated ideas."
"Also, wear the mask or you will be imprisoned or shot."
You can take the full-body mask off between bites at a restaurant, but you must put it back on again within five seconds or face the firing squads.