Saturday, August 8, 2020

Trump Estimates That It Could Take 4 More Years To Accurately Count All The Votes



WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump warned the nation Thursday that it could take up to four more years to accurately count all the votes in the 2020 election, should many states switch to mail-in voting.

"I think we ought to have all the votes counted and sorted by late 2024," Trump remarked. "Possibly 2028, but I'm remaining optimistic." Trump said he'll have federal election officials pull out all the stops to count votes as quickly as they can, but that he can't guarantee that the Electoral College will have a winner anytime before January 2025.

In the meantime, Trump has generously offered to keep running the country. "It's a hard job, very difficult. Not everyone can do it. I'm more than willing. It'll take a little time out of the ol' golf schedule, but America is more important. It really is. Tremendously so."

Of course, should Trump be declared the winner in November 2024, he'll humbly agree to stay in office an additional four years before another election, at which point he'll have to stay another four years to give officials time to count votes from that election, etc.