WILMINGTON, DE—With citizens and media figures questioning Joe Biden's mental fitness to become president, Biden took to the internet yesterday to shut down the naysayers once and for all. On a live video from his basement, Biden held up a Fisher-Price See 'n Say and flawlessly recited all the sounds animals can make.
"My memory cognitives are per-perfect, they're perfect," Biden insisted. "If my brain is no anymore not work, could I do this?"
Biden then began to go through all the common farm animals and the sounds they make, starting with "cow," which says "moo." He got into a little trouble with the chicken, which he thought said "quack," but after some help from his live-in nurse, he got back on track.
After reciting all the animal sounds almost perfectly, Biden smiled smugly, dropped the mic, and cut the feed.
After the video, CNN praised Biden's performance and reported an immediate 382% increase in Biden's poll numbers.