Commissar Bill de Blasio is not pleased with the early results from the New York City Ministry of COVID Compliance ‘snitch on your neighbor’ text message alert system.
According to the compliance dispatchers who operate the 311 program [311-692] one presumed subversive sent an alert of Commissar de Blasio while providing photographic evidence of the mayor violating social distancing via fellatio in an alley next to a convenient store.
Through the comprehensive review process, that specific text message alert was intercepted by dispatchers before being sent to compliance officers for investigation. However, there are many more alerts of a similar nature.
As a result of what appears to be an underground network of subversive citizens; and due to an overwhelmingly coordinated effort to disrupt the intent of the effort; the snitch-alert system had to be temporarily taken down and purged. The NYC Ministry of compliance would like to inform all citizens the snitch alert system is now reactivated. Good citizens can once again text any subversive activity to 311-692 including pictures of infractions.
