U.S.—After Elizabeth Warren's campaign went down in flames this week, the U.S. senator said she would take some time to consider which of her former opponents she might endorse.
But spokespeople for remaining candidates Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Tulsi Gabbard* begged Warren to endorse someone else, anyone else.
"Please, Ms. Warren, don't take us down with you," said representatives of the Democrats still in the race. "It's a tough enough race without having to be associated with your false claims about your heritage, your wishy-washiness, and your constant lies. We have enough of our own scandals and falsehoods to deal with."
Political analysts believe an Elizabeth Warren endorsement could be the deciding factor in this race, with the candidate she chooses losing nearly all of their support.
*Tulsi Gabbard is running for president but this satirical article may be the first you've heard of it if you just follow the corporate press.