LAS VEGAS, NV—Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg took quite a beating in last night's debate and was rushed to a nearby Las Vegas hospital. Of course, a normal-sized hospital and normal-sized ambulance are far too large for the miniature billionaire, so he was rushed to a very tiny hospital in a very tiny ambulance.
Bloomberg was quickly wheeled out to a Hot Wheels ambulance on a cute little stretcher where he was then driven to The Las Vegas Center For People Who Need Medical Attention And Want To Get Some Emergency Care Too, which is small enough to be a "hospital for ants."
The ambulance was nearly run over by real cars on the way, but Bloomberg's tiny driver is an expert and managed to weave his way through traffic in a wacky action sequence "like in Stuart Little or something."
"He's recovering nicely in a matchbox," sources at the hospital said. "He is still pretty tender, but we managed to get him to eat some little breadcrumbs and a very small soup originally designed for Polly Pocket."