WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was a somber day for the U.S., as House Democrats formalized the impeachment of President Donald Trump. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi took seven solemn hours to sign the articles of impeachment with 582 custom pens on silver trays before she sent them over to the Senate. As the articles were handed over, the Impeachment Dancers entered the room, marking the dark day with a well-choreographed dance number accented by a tasteful amount of pyrotechnics.
“It is gravely serious to accuse the president of high crimes and misdemeanors,” Pelosi said as dancers gyrated behind her. “And we do this reluctantly and with a heavy heart.”
After the ceremony and the dance number concluded, Democratic leaders all had a moment of silence to reflect on the gravity of their undertaking, the only sound now being the making of impeachment balloons by the Impeachment Clowns there to entertain the children.
With President Trump officially impeached and the trial now in the hands of the Senate, the House Democrats left feeling their important work was done -- except for all the fundraising emails they had to write.