Authorities Investigating Dangerous Breach
In Hollywood Bubble
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Authorities say they are investigating the circumstances which led to a dangerous tear in Hollywood's protective bubble that keeps celebrities from encountering the festering disgust everyone outside of Hollywood has for them.
Security experts say the breach caused celebrities to encounter opinions from the real world for the very first time. Hollywood's bubble has been carefully constructed over several decades, keeping the fragile, easily spooked celebs from having to face what life might be like without millions of dollars and constant, sycophantic praise.
"People don't like us? This is the first I'm hearing about that," said a puzzled Taylor Swift. "Maybe we should change our attitude... but no. It is the people who are wrong."
"The guy with the funny accent was up there saying something about people not caring about our opinions," said Brad Pitt. "It is sad when people are so deluded like that. I hope Ricky gets the help he needs."
Emergency crews rushed to the breach in the bubble and patched it up, assuring panicked celebrities that Ricky Gervais would be deported and no further critical thinking or introspection would be required on their part.