WASHINGTON, D.C.—Reports from the National Archives in Washington, D.C. indicate that the U.S. Constitution was breathing a sigh of relief this evening as Beto O'Rourke announced he was leaving the presidential race.
"There are still several candidates to go before we're totally in the clear," said Page 2. "But Beto being gone is a huge relief. The guy threatened basically every page, every word, every signature, and even said the white paper we were written on was racist."
All ten Amendments making up the Bill of Rights said they were still on their guard but were glad to have a night off. "We're gonna throw a party, pick up some finger foods and beverages. Nothing that will stain though. One time, Trump brought in a meatball sub and it was almost a disaster."
The Constitution said it won't really be able to sleep at night until all members of the legislative, executive, and judicial branch resign, however.