Wednesday, May 27, 2026

Everyone In Chicago Shot Over The Weekend

Crime

·May 26, 2026 · BabylonBee.com
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CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday weekend.

According to officials, the shootings began on Friday evening and did not stop until 100 percent of the population had sustained at least one bullet wound. Hospital staff reported that waiting rooms were somewhat crowded as approximately 2.6 million people arrived at the same time to seek medical treatment.

"It was a busy few days," said police spokesperson Thomas Dewey while receiving medical treatment for a gunshot wound. "We generally expect a spike in activity during the warmer months, but the complete and total victimization of the entire municipal population was a bit higher than our internal projections."

City leaders noted that despite the massive injuries, public transit remained operational and municipal offices opened on time Tuesday morning. Residents were seen commuting to work with ice packs, slings, and various levels of bandages, ready to face the increased likelihood of being shot again.

At publishing time, Mayor Brandon Johnson urged citizens to remain calm and emphasized that the city was still entirely safe for tourism, provided visitors wear full body armor and avoid the corporate limits.

https://babylonbee.com/news/everyone-in-chicago-shot-over-the-weekend

Ken Paxton Just Annihilated John Cornyn in Texas GOP Senate Runoff Election

Ken Paxton Just Annihilated John Cornyn in Texas GOP Senate Runoff Election


It’s official. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is the Republican nominee for Senate after defeating incumbent Sen. John Cornyn in Tuesday’s runoff election.

The runoff kicked off after no Republican candidate managed to win over 50 percent of the vote in March’s election.

Both campaigns spent the final full day before the runoff flooding the airwaves with their appeals to voters instead of holding public events, according to The Associated Press.

The race appeared to have been decided on May 19 after President Donald Trump endorsed the attorney general, giving him a late boost before the runoff. Up to that point, the president had given no indication as to which candidate he might support. But in a post on Truth Social, Trump explained that Cornyn had been slow to sign on to the president’s agenda, which cost him the endorsement.

Paxton and Cornyn have been going scorched earth on each other since the runoff campaign began. Cornyn and his allies outspent his opponent as each lobbed attacks at each other. Some Republicans expressed concerns that the battle might cause further division on the right.

Paxton was highly favored among the Republican MAGA base due to his vociferous support of President Trump and his policies. Under the Biden administration, the attorney general made a name for himself by lodging a series of lawsuits against the White House over the former president’s policies — especially when it pertained to immigration.

On the other hand, Cornyn is largely viewed among Republican voters as a member of the old guard establishment, despite his support for Trump’s policies. This election, like several others, reveals that the Trump populist wing of the party is gaining more power as the establishment tries to maintain a semblance of relevancy.

Now that Paxton is the nominee, he will face off against state Rep. James Talarico, who has cultivated an active following of supporters. A Texas Public Opinion Research survey showed Talarico leading Paxton 46 to 41 percent, with nine percent undecided.

However, other polls suggest the race will be a close one. Still, Democrats remain buoyed by the numbers, believing it is their opportunity to take a seat in a state that has not elected a Democratic senator since 1988.

It’s also worth noting that Talarico’s bizarre past comments on Christianity, sexuality, and gender ideology have been coming back to haunt him. Over his political career, he has made a series of ridiculous statements about God being nonbinary and the story of the Virgin Mary affirming biblical support for abortion.


John Solomon’s “Trust me Bro” Reporting is Dangerous


The alternative media and even President Trump himself are promoting a story from notoriously sketchy John Solomon again.  This time it is important to point out how dangerous he has become – perhaps President Trump (or someone close) will take note.

The core of this latest story centers around a reported email chain from a Biden-era DOJ/FBI official who had serious reservations about the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago. [Story Here] However, in typical Solomon fashion there is no source citation for the email itself, nor any explanation of where it came from.  Instead, it’s another story written from a ‘trust me bro – because, reasons‘ interpretation of a claim that cannot be reviewed, because the actual email itself is not disclosed:

….”a newly-unearthed email obtained by Just the News shows.”

That’s it. ….”a newly-unearthed email obtained by Just the News shows“…

That’s the sum total of the citation for source, content and origination.  The reader doesn’t get to look at the email.  The reader doesn’t get any explanation of who, what, where, when or why it was given to Solomon.  Heck, “newly unearthed” could be a retread of an email that was likely discussed several years ago, perhaps part of a congressional review.

However, this specific email is sold as new information from inside the DOJ/FBI that is under review by South Florida USAO Jason Reding Quiñones.

♦ Why can’t Solomon share the email?

When mainstream media report on media reports that come from media reports, we call this circular nonsense garbage. It’s no different when alternative media do the same without specific citation or source information that can be reviewed.   No doubt, dozens of alternative media have already started running with this story without pause.

The danger is not just about hopium promotion. In this example, it’s worse.  Let’s take this claim at face value, assume Solomon isn’t lying, and consider that he cannot provide a direct link to the email(s) because the physical documents represent a risk.  Under these assumptions, the email is evidence from the DOJ/FBI provided to the USAO in Florida for grand jury review.  Solomon has received leaked grand jury material.

If accurate, that material is now irrelevant evidence to the cause of justice because the grand jury has been compromised.

The reporting on the email would/will be used by defense attorneys in a criminal case to get the evidence dropped, and the leaking of it would also highlight the political weaponization of the entire investigative process.

In essence, it’s a self-defeating process to leak it – which, alternatively, could entirely be the point.

In a twisted Machiavellian way, perhaps the entire reason for John Solomon to write about it is to destroy the value in the cause for justice.  I don’t know; you decide.

But if a person cannot show the source information they are writing about, and/or it is a risk to show the information they are writing about, then the very least they should do is point specifically to where they got the information from. If they cannot do any of that, then they should shut up.

Lawfare loves to see their opposition shoot themselves in the foot with the evidence of Lawfare corruption, and clickbait loves company.  However, in an example like this, it’s the frustrated honest people who just want accountability that pay the price.

SUMMARY: To be clear, I am saying John Solomon’s reporting process is dangerous, specifically dangerous. Dangerous to MAGA, and perhaps more consequentially, dangerous to President Trump and/or any righteous movement toward justice.

Because, yet again, in this instance, if he is not lying (a significant assumption at this moment in history) then -once again- he is alluding to having FBI/DOJ emails that are being used in South FL USAO investigations, likely provided by Kash Patel or others, that would be grand jury material – if the GJ stories of an investigation into a ‘conspiracy against rights’ are to be believed.

If that is accurate origination and that explains why he refused to provide the citation, the release of GJ material to Solomon is exceptionally damaging to any case(s) that might use it.  Steve Bannon and Sean Hannity will promote John Solomon, while James Comey, Mary McCord and Jack Smith laugh about it.

FUBAR.

There is a reason why Tulsi Gabbard’s approach was effective, and the deep state feared her.  She silently reviewed, then spoke with receipts.

The truth has no agenda and is the ultimate defense to everything. This nonsense ‘secret information’ has proven to be one of the most damaging root problems within our current political condition. Those who perpetuate this process retain the core mechanism that permits corruption.